Creativity = satisfaction and fulfillment, i.e. HAPPINESS

Creativity is a huge part of happiness for me.  When I am making something, I just feel good.  I come from a creative family.  My mother was probably one of the first “Martha Stewart” types of homemakers.  She could and would make just about anything, out of a variety of materials—often improvised and usually very inexpensive.  She was a great cook, a master seamstress, the original scrap booker, and the Queen of do-it-yourself home improvement projects (with my father as her trusty side-kick).  Every house our family lived in was remodeled on a consistent basis.  We learned to live amongst the ongoing transition.

As an adult, I have come to truly appreciate how my parents instilled creativity and the constant pursuit of excellence.  Fortunately, I married an artist, so I am continuing the tradition—with my own unique twist.  I’m hoping my own children will follow along the same path.  We’ll see.

I often hear people claim that they don’t have any talents, or they don’t have any creativity within them.  They feel intimidated at the thought of being “creative.”  I think this quote from Deiter Uchtdorf is the perfect answer to that dilemma:

“The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before. Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty. Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty. . . . You may think you don’t have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us. The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before.”

Bookstores make me happy

Last night, my son and I went out for dinner and then to the bookstore.  He just recently returned home from spending two years in Mexico as a missionary.  He is anxious to start reading in English.  So we took a look around.  We each bought a couple of books.  I got Muriel Barbery's newest book, Gourmet Rhapsody.  I loved The Elegance of the Hedgehog, so we'll see if I like this new one.

I think bookstores are such great, comforting places--especially on a cold, rainy fall day like today.  I'm in here, working on my laptop via free wifi, which is pretty awesome.  The bookstore in my neighborhood is a real community hangout--you're apt to find several of your neighbors and/or their kids wandering around.

I love browsing around, looking at titles, picking up a few that look interesting and maybe reading a page or two, to see if they're any good before I buy.  Here's a few interesting titles I found:  The Art of Happiness, by the Dalai Lama, 10th anniversary edition.

Here's what the Dalai Lama says (on the back jacket of the book): "Many years ago, I wrote, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion; and if you want yourself to be happy, practice compassion."  The Buddhist tradition has, like many of the world's great spiritual traditions, exhorted us to live our lives compassionately.  These spiritual traditions teach us to feel connected with our fellow beings and with the world we live in.  They celebrate service to others as one of the highest virtues.  Today, growing scientific data confirms this insight.  Researchers on human happiness identify compassionate service to others to be one of the key characteristics shared by many of the world's happiest people."

I really believe that.  My church is totally focused on compassionate service, especially the Women's group.  And my experience, through the years, has led me to understand that when I get outside myself and serve others, I am definitely happier.

Another book title that grabbed my attention today: "Thin is the new Happy", a memoir by Valerie Frankel.  I like memoirs.  I haven't read this, but the back cover sounds like any woman who has struggled with their weight can relate to this book.  I'm not convinced that thin equals happiness.  My weight has gone up and down over the years, and although I admit to being happier with the way I LOOK when I'm thinner, I certainly don't think all my problems went away just because I was thin. I think the things you DO to become thin (such as eat healthier and exercise) cause you to feel better, body and soul, and the way you look is just a nice byproduct.  Too bad our society puts so much emphasis on how you look.   When I was thinner, I received countless compliments, heralding my weight loss as though I had achieved some spectacular feat.  In reality, I was at a very unhappy spot in my life.  It got to the point where I really hated people making comments about it all the time.  So I gained back some of the weight.  Now people don't bug me so much!

Are you HAPPY?

I found this through a friend and thought it was terrific!  It is from H/34: Creative Works by Alex Koplin.  Apparently you can go on his blog and purchase a poster of it.

Smile, though your heart is breaking......

No, my heart isn't exactly breaking today....but--I have to say that smiling and humor are huge benefits to my mood.  I got the following off the helpguide.org website:

Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. In addition to the domino effect of joy and amusement, laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress. Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use.

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

One of my most  powerful mentors, my grandmother, was a very happy person.  She smiled and laughed a lot.  She was just so much fun to be around.  Everyone loved her.  She lived well into her 90's and although her body was broken down at the end, she rarely felt pain.  This may be due to the fact that she laughed so much.  I'd like to think so, anyway.

One of my friends, while going through an especially difficult time, rented a bunch of funny movies and sat and watched them over and over again, laughing and laughing until he was exhausted.  He felt better after that.

This morning, I was referred to a website called mylifeisaverage.com.  Its just small posts about funny things that happen to people every day.  Some of them are truly hilarious.  I laughed a lot.  And I feel better--despite the fact that the water to my house is off for the 7th time in 6th months, due to a huge leak in the water main, and the plumber keeps fixing it--and it keeps breaking, and it has cost me a ton of money!!!!  All the things I was going to do this morning, such as shower, do laundry, mop the floor, etc. cannot be done because I have NO WATER!!!!  So, instead of cry, I'll just read funny things and LAUGH!!!

Having a grateful heart brings us peace....From my friend KM

Psalms 100:

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.  Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.  Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.  Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

The lds.org website tells us that “Gratitude is a feeling of appreciation and thankfulness for blessings or benefits we have received – that as we cultivate a grateful attitude, we are more likely to be happy and spiritually strong.  It says that Gratitude is an uplifting, exalting attitude. People are generally happier when they have gratitude in their hearts. We cannot be bitter, resentful, or mean-spirited when we are grateful.

We should thank our Heavenly Father for His goodness to us by acknowledging His hand in all things, thanking Him for all that He gives us, keeping His commandments, and serving others. We should especially thank Him for His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, for the Savior's great example, for His teachings, for His outreaching hand to lift and help, for His infinite Atonement.”

Let’s first explore what having a grateful heart means.

In Luke 17:12-19 we find the story of the 10 lepers. As the Savior went through Samaria and Galilee, “he entered into a certain village, [and] there met him ten men that were lepers” who “lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.” Jesus told them to go show themselves unto the priest.

“And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.

“And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God.

“And fell down … at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan.

“And Jesus answering said, were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine?

“There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger.

“And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole” (Luke 17:12–19).

Only the Samaritan had a grateful heart.

In a conference talk given in 1996 President James E. Faust had this to say about this particular example of gratitude from the scriptures:

Leprosy was so loathsome a disease that those afflicted were not permitted under the law to come close to Jesus. Those suffering from this terrible disease were required to agonize together, sharing their common misery. (See Lev. 13:45-46) Their forlorn cry, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us,” must have touched the Savior’s heart. When they were healed and had received priestly approval that they were clean and acceptable in society, they must have been overcome with joy and amazement. Having received so great a miracle, they seemed completely satisfied. But they forgot their benefactor. It is difficult to understand why they were so lacking in gratitude. Such ingratitude is self-centered. It is a form of pride.

What is the significance of the fact that the one who returned to give thanks was a Samaritan? As in the story of the Good Samaritan, the point seems to be that those of lesser social or economic status often rise to a greater duty and nobility.

A grateful heart, continues President Faust, is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well being. As with all commandments, gratitude is a description of a successful mode of living. The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us.”

In the Doctrine and Covenants 78:19 the Lord said “And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.”

Steven Snow, in an October 2001 General Conference address, said this about Gratitude:  “It is human nature, I suppose, to seek elsewhere for our happiness. Pursuit of career goals, wealth, and material rewards can cloud our perspective and often leads to a lack of appreciation for the bounteous blessings of our present circumstances.

It is precarious to dwell on why we have not been given more. It is, however, beneficial and humbling to dwell on why we have been given so much.  An old proverb states, “The greater wealth is contentment with a little.”

In his letter to the Philippians, Paul wrote, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philip. 4:11).”

President Joseph F. Smith has instructed us that “the spirit of gratitude is always pleasant and satisfying because it carries with it a sense of helpfulness to others; it begets love and friendship, and engenders divine influence. Gratitude is said to be the memory of the heart” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 262).

How then does gratitude bring us peace?

This past week, as I’ve thought about what it means to have a grateful heart, and how it can bring me peace, I’ve thought about stepping stones.  Stepping stones made from round, generous pieces of solid foundation, which if followed, will lead me where I want to go.  Some of you may have seen silver necklaces or bracelets made with beads in the shape of small pebbles or stones with words on them such as love. Faith. Courage. Hope.  I envision my stepping stones, similarly marked as I’ll describe.

If my destination is peace, then the first step forward must be honesty.  Because having a grateful heart is, first of all, acknowledging the many gifts, kindnesses and blessings that I receive on a daily basis – no matter how routine, small or seemingly insignificant they may be.  To be truly grateful, I must then give thanks.  This can be done verbally, or in writing, with a smile, handshake or hug, or on my knees in prayer.  Next, having a grateful heart means being content with what I have been given.  It doesn’t mean “thank you for the lovely gift, BUT could I have some more, or could I have a slightly different color, or could you hold that for me until next week … .  it means being content with what I have been given.

Having a grateful heart frees me from greed.  Freedom from greed  returns to me as a gift of time – time not spent in “busily pursuing” things that have no lasting value.   If I have a grateful heart I can enjoy a sense of serenity, and a feeling of calm.  

Finally, I came to realize that gratitude for the all the gifts that I have been given, and those that I receive through living the gospel will bring me peace, in this life and the next - and it will bring me closer to the peacemaker.

The peace of Christ does not come by seeking the superficial things of life; neither does it come except as it springs from the individual’s heart.  David. O McKay, Conference report, Oct. 1938

The dictionary definition states that peace is a state of tranquility or quiet, freedom from disquieting thoughts or emotions, and harmony in personal relations.  According to Joseph B. Wirthlin, in the scriptures, peace means either freedom from strife, contention, conflict, or war - or an inner calm and comfort born of the Spirit that is a gift of God to all of his children, an assurance and serenity within a person’s heart. (Joseph B. Wirthlin, Peace Within, May 1991) 

Marion G Romney, suggested that we might think of peace as “harmony within one’s self, and with God and man.”

Joseph B. Wirthlin gave an excellent talk entitled Peace Within in April 1991, largely based on another wonderful talk, entitled The Price of Peace that Marion G. Romney had given 8 years earlier.  The following examples were outlined in these 2 talks.

During most of the world’s history, strife, dissension, and conflict have flourished and displaced peace. The times when peace has reigned, it began in the hearts of righteous, obedient individuals and grew until it engulfed a society. We have at least two scriptural accounts of periods of absolute peace:

The first of these periods of peace was among the people of Enoch, who lived before the great flood. They continued in righteousness, and “the Lord came and dwelt with” them. He “called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness.” They “built a city that was called the City of Holiness, even Zion” that, in the “process of time, was taken up into heaven.” (Moses 7:16–21.)  These people of Enoch are the only ones we know of in the scriptures that have obtained lasting perfect peace.

The second period of peace followed the ministry of the resurrected Jesus among the Nephites. They abolished the works of evil and obtained the fruit of the Spirit. Quoting from the Book of Mormon: “The disciples of Jesus had formed a church of Christ. … And as many as did come unto them, and did truly repent of their sins, were baptized in the name of Jesus; and they did also receive the Holy Ghost.” (4 Ne. 1:1.) Consequently, “there were no contentions and disputations among them” (4 Ne. 1:2) “because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people. And there were no envyings, nor strifes, nor tumults, nor whoredoms, nor lyings, nor murders, nor any manner of lasciviousness.” (4 Ne. 1:15–16.) “They were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God.” (4 Ne. 1:17.) “And every man did deal justly one with another.” (4 Ne. 1:2.) “And surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God.” (4 Ne. 1:16.)

Peace prevailed among the Nephites for almost two centuries. Then some of them deserted the teachings of Jesus Christ and turned to wickedness and selfish pride  [ingratitude]. Within another two centuries, the Nephite nation that had enjoyed this long period of perfect peace had destroyed itself in savage civil war.

How can we cultivate and a grateful heart? 

The short answer is through practice. 

President Monson once said that we should “think to thank”. 

Henry B. Eyring, in a 1989 conference address suggested that we can begin a private prayer with thanks.  We can start to count our blessings, and then pause for a moment.  If we exercise faith, and with the gift of the Holy Ghost, we will find that memories of other blessings will flood into our minds.  If we begin to express

gratitude for each of them, our prayer may take a little longer than usual.  Remembrance will come.  And so will gratitude.

President Spencer W. Kimball said that Journals are a way of counting our blessings and of leaving an inventory of these blessings for our posterity.  As we start to write, we can ask ourselves, “How did God bless me today?”

The Prophet Joseph Smith assured us that we can enjoy that peace of God which passeth human understanding (noted in Philip. 4:7.) We can enjoy it personally, within our families, in our communities, in our nations, and in our world if we will do the things that produce it. This peace leads to happiness.

(See Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, pp. 255–56.)

As I’ve outlined, one of the things that produces peace is showing gratitude, or having a grateful heart.  And what better time of year to practice showing gratitude than now.

President J. Reuben Clark, wisely counseled: “Hold fast to the blessings which God has provided for you. Yours is not the task to gain them, they are here; yours is the part of cherishing them” (Church News, 14 June 1969, 2).

I echo his wishes that we may cultivate grateful hearts so that we may cherish the multitude of blessings that God has so graciously bestowed upon us. May we openly express such gratitude to our Father in Heaven and our fellowmen and may we live in peace.

“Live in peace,” said the Apostle Paul, “and the God of love and peace shall be with you” (2 Cor. 13:11).

This is why I cook a meal for my family every night.

Another shout out to my friend A. for referring me to yet another excellent video by Alain de Boton. This time, I learned about Epicurus, a Greek philosopher. I have long been acquainted with the term “Epicurean” – defined as a person enjoying a rich, indulgent and luxurious lifestyle. This, in fact, is a bit of a misnomer. Although Epicurus did not see anything wrong with “enjoying” life, he wasn’t exactly a self-indulgent slug, either. His main premise is: What we want is not usually what we need. We look for happiness in material goods, wealth, etc. What we really need instead is three things: friends (especially eating meals together), freedom and self-reliance, and self reflection, or an “analyzed life.” Diogenes, a follower of Epicurus, built a wall around the market place, with Epicurus’ philosophy inscribed in the stones—a constant reminder or advertisement for happiness, so all the citizens could learn and be inspired by it. In a way, having a blog is a modern day version of the Diogenes wall—stating ideas and thoughts in hopes of encouraging discussion and learning from the ongoing dialogue.

Happiness is what you make it.....

Thanks to my friend A. for this video clip.  The presenter is Dan Gilbert, and the topic is: "Why are we happy? Why aren't we happy?" Gilbert is a psychology professor at Harvard, and author of "Stumbling on Happiness".  In this fascinating talk, Gilbert discusses revealing data from experiments on various students and amnesia patients how our brains choose happiness, no matter what happens to us. In other words, even if we don't get what we originally wanted, we decide eventually that what we ended up with was better anyway, and therefore we are happier.  This speaks to the spiritual doctrine that "trials" in life, given to us by God, are really better for us in the end because we learn and grow as a result of the stress.  I believe in this principle, simply because I've experienced it myself.  If it were possible (and it is not) for a person to live a life of complete ease and lack of problems, how would they possibly develop any character or depth to their soul?  So--back to square one: the idea that  we can choose to be happy.  This is sometimes difficult to accept when you are in the midst of a problem or challenge.  But eventually, you can get there if you stick it out.  My question is, how does one really find joy in the moment (even if the moment is uncomfortable, painful, sad, whatever).  I'm not sure that is possible.  And I do think some people, not wanting to "embrace" happiness in that moment, choose bitterness, lose their faith, go into denial, or flee the situation.  I think, to be happy, you can allow yourself an appropriate amount of time to grieve, be angry, sad, or whatever--and then move on and embrace what you have learned from the experience, eventually achieving a level of peace and resulting happiness.  But it is usually a long process, at least for me.

Happiness in relationship to confidence and fear....and aging

From a friend, K:

I just spoke with a friend here who will soon be 70 yrs.  I mentioned our ongoing discussion about happiness, etc.  She is amazing.  She lost two children in a car accident coming home for Christmas from BYU years and years ago.  She is a 10 year survivor of ovarian cancer.  Last year she lost a dear son-in-law to a car accident.

She is so faithful and keeps plugging on always, without focusing on herself.  She thinks part of a lack of happiness as we age has to do with a loss of confidence - of physically and mentally being able to tackle tasks that she once could.  She also thinks fear comes into it as we age.  More fear, less confidence - more sadness.

And a rebuttal, from another friend, L.

First, I must say that I read an article earlier this year that rings much more true about aging and happiness than the Huff Post article we've all been discussing.  That the middle years really are times of crisis where people reassess where they've been and feel the pinch of time, etc.  But if they navigate themselves successfully through this time of transition and find renewed purpose, studies have shown that age 70 is one of the happiest times of life. (This was a study of both men and women)

By the time you're 70, you can relax; don't have the worries of establishing career, family, etc.  In fact, the study showed that 70 year olds were on par with happiness of 20 year olds!

I couldn't disagree with your friend more in terms of confidence and fear.  I think that confidence increases as we build up life experience!  And we become less fearful.  Like, I used to worry so much more about image and what other people might think.  Now I don't give a rip.  I think that that really sharply drops off with age.  You just become more independent in thought and with more than half your life already passed; you come to a place of "It is what it is". 

My 30 year class reunion was the most fun because everyone's pretenses had dropped away.  At the 10 year reunion we were all trying to look very successful.  AT the 20 year, we were all trying to show the perfect children and families.  At the 30 year, we all just looked at each other and said, "Well, this is it."  Turned up the music and boogied down!!!

I do think that it's not fun lose the physical prowess that we had as young people.  Sometimes, when I see how others are aging, it gives me a window into how I must be.

Nevertheless, I'm more confident and fearless than I've ever been.  I think that that is life's gift as we lose the quickness and agility of youth, in both mind and body.  We just don't care anymore and begin to approach what we've got left in life with a reclaimed childlike joyousness.