Happiness in relationship to confidence and fear....and aging

From a friend, K:

I just spoke with a friend here who will soon be 70 yrs.  I mentioned our ongoing discussion about happiness, etc.  She is amazing.  She lost two children in a car accident coming home for Christmas from BYU years and years ago.  She is a 10 year survivor of ovarian cancer.  Last year she lost a dear son-in-law to a car accident.

She is so faithful and keeps plugging on always, without focusing on herself.  She thinks part of a lack of happiness as we age has to do with a loss of confidence - of physically and mentally being able to tackle tasks that she once could.  She also thinks fear comes into it as we age.  More fear, less confidence - more sadness.

And a rebuttal, from another friend, L.

First, I must say that I read an article earlier this year that rings much more true about aging and happiness than the Huff Post article we've all been discussing.  That the middle years really are times of crisis where people reassess where they've been and feel the pinch of time, etc.  But if they navigate themselves successfully through this time of transition and find renewed purpose, studies have shown that age 70 is one of the happiest times of life. (This was a study of both men and women)

By the time you're 70, you can relax; don't have the worries of establishing career, family, etc.  In fact, the study showed that 70 year olds were on par with happiness of 20 year olds!

I couldn't disagree with your friend more in terms of confidence and fear.  I think that confidence increases as we build up life experience!  And we become less fearful.  Like, I used to worry so much more about image and what other people might think.  Now I don't give a rip.  I think that that really sharply drops off with age.  You just become more independent in thought and with more than half your life already passed; you come to a place of "It is what it is". 

My 30 year class reunion was the most fun because everyone's pretenses had dropped away.  At the 10 year reunion we were all trying to look very successful.  AT the 20 year, we were all trying to show the perfect children and families.  At the 30 year, we all just looked at each other and said, "Well, this is it."  Turned up the music and boogied down!!!

I do think that it's not fun lose the physical prowess that we had as young people.  Sometimes, when I see how others are aging, it gives me a window into how I must be.

Nevertheless, I'm more confident and fearless than I've ever been.  I think that that is life's gift as we lose the quickness and agility of youth, in both mind and body.  We just don't care anymore and begin to approach what we've got left in life with a reclaimed childlike joyousness.