On Gratitude from LM's friend

I believe with all my heart that my happiness is directly measured by my own sense of gratitude.  The more grateful I am, the greater my happiness seems to be and the greater my ability to succor others.  My lack of gratitude sucks at my ability to fill my own needs and leaves me quite incapable of serving the needs of others causing discouragement, discontentment and depression.  The more discouraged I am, the less organized, more chaotic and disgruntled I become.  I become so unhappy and wonder why, ……. only to realize how I have distanced myself from God.  I repent and begin (again and again) to recognize without His sweet spirit in my life, I become the “nothing” that encompasses my discouragement, discontentment and depression.  I (struggle to) begin to think of the happiness of others (and struggle again and again to) ignore my own unhappiness and find purpose in “doing for others” which begins to dissolve the feelings of discouragement, discontentment and depression.  I discover (again and again---I believe it is a cycle) that my sense of purpose and giving of myself seems to combat my strong sense of selfishness that displays itself as discouragement, discontentment and depression.  I find, for me, if I can always remember to serve quietly and regularly, I can stay on a fairly even keel striving for selflessness.    

 

Happiness is an attitude I want to choose everyday when I get up in the morning.  I can choose to be happy—to embrace it or reject it.  I may be simplistic, but it works ever so well for me.  Happiness IS an attitude of gratitude.

 

I am still working on the perfect recipe.  It is a continual life-long pursuit. 

From my friend KM

First of all the article:  I found the article thought provoking.  I wasn't familiar with the author so I did a bit of checking and I see he writes self-help books.  I'm not a big fan of self-help books - probably because I have never found one that I did much more with than peruse.  My other hesitation was that it is a man telling women how to fix themselves.  I'd feel more comfortable if the author/researcher was a woman.  (I've always chosen female OBGYN's for the same reason).

 

I thought his hours of "paid work" vs. "homework" were interesting.  But I'm not sure I buy it.  I feel that women - whether at PAID WORK or HOMEWORK are always "on".  They are the ones thinking about not only their job, but home life, and in the case of husband and kids, their lives as well.  I feel I carry most of that burden in my family, although my husband might disagree to the extent. 

 

I believe women are multi-taskers.  I used to have a (male) colleague that would brag in a humorous way about his ability to multi-task.  I have since decided that multi-tasking is bogus.  It allows me to do several things at once, and pretty poorly at that.  The only multi-tasking I now do is laundry and whatever else is going on.  Since laundry is a no-brainer, it doesn't tax me.

 

I think the stop and go rhythm of a woman's day can be stressful.  Many of the things we do are either unmeasurable and/or not particularly rewarding.  Often times I am physically and mentally exhausted at the end of the day and I try and figure out why that is so.

 

OK, now what I try to do about it:  I'm not sure what I'd say to a survey question about my level of happiness.  I think it's in flux - depending on the week.  I probably let others influence my happiness much more than I should.  I wish I could create my own destiny, so to speak, each day and wake up happy all the time - or decide to make it a good day.  Sometimes that works, sometimes not.  Sometimes I have blue days and I think I suffer to a small degree from SAD (the affect of too little light, mostly in the winter).  Although I've never really been depressed.

 

Sometimes I go through periods of thinking that my life isn't all that great, but it'd be better if ... or when ... and then spend too much time fantasizing about some day ....  I know that's not a productive thing to do.  I'll remember that, make an attempt to be more grateful for all that I have and move on.  It's an ongoing process I guess.

 

Last year I read a book by an (LDS) author that I really like and I'll try to remember the book and it's title and pass it on.  The premise was to find joy and purpose in all we do.  It helped for a while.  Like I said for me it's a process because I constantly forget what I already know ... to be grateful, to be more selfless, to be more prayerful , etc.   

 

Focusing on gratitude helps me,  and finding joy in the little things.  Trying to stay in the present.  I can be happy and feel fulfilled today because my youngest still gives me hugs each morning and tells me he loves me.  I make my middle child happy when I pack him a nice lunch for school.  I live in an incredibly beautiful place and am blessed every day to see birds and squirrels and deer (and too many turkeys!) in my neighborhood.  After a week, my seminary students say seminary is fun and they like me.

 

Regular physical exercise and time outdoors has always helped my spirits.

 

I've often wondered if I should start a gratitude journal.  Maybe I will.