My take on why women in general are unhappy is that we are not living in today, we are always looking towards tomorrow. In the 1950's women did not have as many opportunities or choices, but they looked towards a day they would. Much like the women then we too look towards the day we can have more, we just now have endless choices before us. Its the waiting for something better, wondering if a different choice would make us happier. I remember when I was dating my husband, I knew he was it, but he wasn't quite sure yet. He told me he wanted to see what all his options were before he settled down. Well he obviously figured out I was his best option. Are we doing the same thing, wanting to see what all our options are before we settle down in our life, and really be present in our life and not sub consciously out searching for better options. What happens when the options are endless! Will we ever be happy with what we have if we think there is something better out there? We live in a world that tell us we should have it "all", what is this "all" everyone keeps talking about? My "all" has to be different than your "all", we are all uniquely different. So why are we looking for happiness in the "all" (money, career, family, love, freedom, fame) the world has proclaimed as being the way to happiness. I am not naive enough to realize that this is a very broad and generalized view, but its what came to mind as I read all of your responses.
On a more personal note on how I am dealing with my own happiness issues. I am learning that awareness and verbal acknowledgment is key for me. Being aware of what is happening in my life, from kids, husband, home, work and my own well being, to what is going on outside my own little world. Awareness brings to light not only good things about your life but the bad things as well, and gives you the opportunity to see things for what they really are instead of searching for a different reality. Verbally acknowledging these things makes them real and makes us face them instead of denying them.It also gives us the chance to except what we see or decide to make changes to the aspects we don't like. Being aware of my health issues and really looking at how they have effected me and my family has given me a strange kind of freedom to pull myself out of the center of my problems and see them more objectively. I still have my moments where no matter how hard I try, I am there in the center of it all and totally consumed by it. But those moments are becoming fewer and far between. Of course I am also doing what my hormone doctor has suggested and that is part of the change as well.
I just spent 8 days helping my 80 yr. old mom take care of my dad who has COPD, and a Aortic Anurism.....needless to say, he is extremly ill and won't live much longer. I had many conversations with him about his life. I was surprised. He has sooo many regrets. How sad. I had an entire week to reflect on his feelings about his life and the things that he said and his regrets.
ReplyDeleteI have also been following the story about Barbara Faust (Michelle's birth mother) and her tragic car accident that killed her dear husband leaving her(in critical condition) to raise the remaining 8 children at home. Barbara remains in the hospital in a coma.
I just wanted to leave a short comment about my feelings, which are the same as Kelly's! We live so much for the future...."things will be great when...my child can sleep thru the night....my husband gets that great job ....when we can move into our dream home....when we can have a new car....when my kids get married and are all happy....when I'm done with menopause......................................."and the list can go on and on....
I want to be grateful to have lungs that work so I can breathe, I want to be happy because the sun in shining, because I can get a glass of water when I want. So often we live for the "whens" in our lives and not the "nows". When my oldest daughter went to college, I was happy for her but our family changed over night! She wasn't here for family dinner any longer.....then the next left and the next and the next.....now as empty nesters, we miss our kids! I find myself thinking so often of the times when they were little and all they wanted was Mac & cheese and to jump in the pool and the messes they made with all the tents they would build in the family room!! When, we would laugh at mario cart together as we all played or had our family fun day in the middle of July each year.....Time goes by so quickly! I now have my sweet grandson to watch and love.....boy, I could ramble on and on....but what I really wanted to say is that we need to deal with each day as it comes to us. Each day will have challenges, be grateful for the challenge...it keeps our minds strong! And, as far as dealing with anxiety...one of the bloggers spoke on how anxiety causes us into "creative action"....I loved that!
One thing I learned when I stayed with my parents this past week was, life is short.....so short. Time goes quickly, enjoy it while we are here. Love is the root of happiness. If we feel depressed, it is so difficult to give love to others because we become self absorbed but, it we can give to others and "get out of ourselves" we forget about ourselves for a moment and find joy in helping others. That's the main thing I learned when I was helping my mom with my dad. I havent' slept so well in months! I was sooooo busy with the hospital and up nights helping her with him and running errands that I had no time to stop and think about myself and how I was dressed or what I even looked like or what my kids were doing (or not doing) or if I paid this bill or that.....I went to bed exhausted but happy with all that we had accomplished during the day. I can't explain it, but I was happy. Tired, but happy. Not worried about my son in college or my daughter getting ready to move or my husband starting a new business......that all took a back seat to what I needed to do at the moment and that was to help my mother. And I was happy at being needed. My thoughts are running wild and I need to end this....just wanted to share a little of what I've been thinking.....